I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
