y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
