Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
