You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
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