Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
