and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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