doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm too high and old for this...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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