sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize