when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
