I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
