I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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