ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Two words: nipple clamps
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