Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
