I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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