I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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