Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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