Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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