Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
