the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She told me I should be a condom model.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
