oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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