True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's no shave November. This is our time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
