Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
