Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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