Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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