I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Two words: blizzard sex
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
