It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
