Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
