I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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