I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
