You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
