I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
