i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
