im about as happy as oj after his trial
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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