I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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