you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
