My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
