I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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