well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
