i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
