Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
