My liver just broke up with me...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
