The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
