that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
