Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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