Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize