he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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