feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
