My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
birth control should be required to get into college
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
