this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
so much tequila, so little girl.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
