Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
