You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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