Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
