Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
