I CAN MOONWALK!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
