Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
