Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
3pm strippers are depressing
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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