Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
