There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
