Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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