Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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