Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize