So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
