my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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