Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize