I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My ass is underappreciated
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
