Swine flu is the new snow day.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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