you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
