I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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