I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
