wat bout pragnant strippers??
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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