"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
