Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
