Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
