did you get engaged???
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
