you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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