I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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