you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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